“P-princess?”

“One moment.” Don’t get distracted. Raise your hind legs a little. Angle your body to the left and catch the sun against your flanks…

“P-Princess Celestia, I-I must insist that you—”

“One moment!” This barista pony was really beginning to grate on me. Sure, I might have waltzed into her place of work and all but usurped it, but honestly, did this rude pony have any idea of how difficult it was to think of a good concept for a picture, take an effective shot, edit it efficiently and post it? Clearly not!

Also, she had a really good mane, and I wanted all of the attention in the room resting firmly on me.

Not that most of it wasn’t. I was perched on the Sunbucks counter with my legs resting so high in the air that I looked as if I was trying to touch the ceiling, displaying everything for my subjects. And all of them were reacting in some way. Averting their eyes, pretending they weren’t looking when they clearly were… there was one stallion that seemed to have grown very aroused by my presence, poor thing. I didn’t feel too guilty though, he was getting a free show, and so was I!

“Princess Celestia, company policy dictates—”

I ignored her barely coherent babbles. I moved the camera up and to the side with my magic, playing with the angles and trying repeatedly to take a suitable selfie. I’d already framed the sun in a way that would allow it to glimmer against my cutie mark and thighs, accentuating my curves and playing with the room’s light schemes.

I’m sure Fillydelphia wouldn’t mind the impromptu heatwave. I’d only moved the sun for a little while, after all. Nothing irresponsible!

“Princess, I’m going to have to ask you to l… leave.” The barista was slowly gaining confidence. This was much to my chagrin, as it was near impossible to focus on her whilst posing effectively. I shot my best ‘ravish me’ eyes as I took the latest shot, then scrutinised it, checked the proportions, and promptly deleted it. Not sexy enough. Nowhere near sexy enough.

Time for a last ditch attempt. There were ponies beginning to gather outside, and from the looks of things, the city guard had been called. The uniformed ponies were all on high alert, but like the Sunbucks customers, instead of stepping inside and intervening, they were staring also. The captain of the guard essentially had his face pressed up against the window if only to see me better.

But I needed to work faster, before the gathering ponies blotted out the sunshine. I loved the attention, it made me feel wonderful that I could stir such a reaction in ponies at my age. The stallion from before with the ‘large’ issue was beginning to tend to it, and I imagined it wouldn’t be long until there were others joining in!

But still, I needed to act fast. I switched looks, retaining my position, leaning my head to the side and casting the most innocent smile I possibly could, mane cascading onto the counter. I looked like I was twenty again, young and oblivious, showcasing everything from my relative lack of clothing to my pink nethers as I took the shot, my face quite clearly asking ‘what are we going to do together on the Sunbucks checkout counter?’.

“Princess, if you don’t get off of the counter—”

Happy with the result of the picture as it clicked, I finally answered the barista. “Oh, don’t be silly. This is going to drive your sales up massively once I put it online.”

“O-online?” The barista’s voice was barely a whisper now. She sounded as if she’d just been told that the moon wasn’t real, or that healthcare wasn’t free anymore.

“Don’t worry, I’ll crop you out,” I snickered, though it was mainly for my own benefit. I didn’t want other ponies seeing that wonderful mane!

The barista managed to shake off her worry in an annoyingly impressive display of mental fortitude. “Celestia, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Right now, while I’m going through the picture editing process? How inconsiderate was she? I gave her a sweet smile. “Would I be able to speak to your manager about this?”

The barista cast an uncomfortable look at the first stallion that had started openly masturbating. “He’s… currently indisposed.”

My eyes followed hers. I placed a hoof over my mouth to stifle a laugh. “I see.”

The barista hung her head in a short nod.

Looks like I wasn’t getting any more argument out of her! The barista stood there rethinking her short life as I decided whether or not I needed the ‘beauty filter’ on this. Hmm… no no, it looked more than good enough already.

Ponies outside were fighting over window space. The city guard were holding them back to keep the order, ensuring they were the ones that got the best view. Clever colts.

This needed a caption. I wrote a quick line of text, flirty but not explicit. ‘Today’s special? Me!’. I needed to censor the image though. First off, my marehood was hardly wet right now—despite the fact that public acts of debauchery like this aroused me immensely, I’d hardly had long enough to really get going.

The real reason for censoring it was that this was going on my public accounts, though. The ponies here were more than lucky to be getting a public look at me in all of my nude glory, but when it came to my subjects at large, there was no way I could possibly bear all to them in such a shocking and lecherous manner!

Such inappropriateness was reserved for my premium subjects.

What? A princess has got to earn bits somehow, right?

Censorship was a simple process. Take a shelf of coffee cups from the background and cut and paste it over my intimate areas. Wacky, sure, but I thought it worked nicely.

I was finally ready to leave. Harmony was breaking down all around me, but all eyes were still focussed on me as I took the finished picture and hit ‘send’, adding it to my story. The attention was the only constant I needed.

I was sure it would be a success. I needed it to be if I wanted to beat her in follows, after all.

I hopped down from the table, landing on all fours and almost slipping as I did so due to my long pink socks. Ah well, I’m sure it looked adorable. I gave my tail a flick, finally covering myself up again as I began to make my way to the door, parting the sea of ponies on either side of me that all likely wished they could reach out and touch me.

Luckily, being Celestia meant being an intimidating enough presence that it didn’t happen very often.

This was like living a dream. A parental advisory one, sure, but a dream nonetheless! Every part of me absolutely loved it. I opened the door, and one of the city guards approached me, a heavy blush on his cheek fur.

“P-princess, you’re in violation of numerous public decency laws, and—”

Oh, this was rich. I turned on my camera, set it to record. I absolutely had to capture content like this. “You mean the laws that I not only developed, but approved also?”

Some might have called it an abuse of power. I called it a viral video in the making. “Y-yes, those laws.”

I had to respect him, really. At least he was committed to being a stick in the mud, even though every part of him screamed that he wanted to do anything but tell her to stop presenting in public. “Well, officer, if that’s the case… I suppose you’ll have to arrest me?”

I shot him a short wink. His brain appeared to stop working for a few seconds. “I-if you don’t clear out now, I’ll be forced to…”

I leaned into his ear, as close as I possibly could, dropping my voice to a sultry whisper and almost nipping his ear with my breath. “To punish me, officer? Would you like that? Would you put me in cuffs and leave me all helpless and exploitable?”

He was literally panting now. I pulled away and sauntered off then, not wanting to make the poor colt implode. I could only imagine he’d be subscribing to my channels the moment he got off of work.

Really, this video was good publicity for the city guard. Look how well they kept up under pressure!

I spared a look back at the colt that had pulled me up. He was pawing at his erect stallionhood in an attempt to make it go away.

And who could blame him? Anypony who had eyes was beginning to be converted, one photo, video, or status at a time… I hit send on my latest slice of reality as I walked away. What sounded like the beginning of a riot was breaking out behind me as ponies tried to follow after, and the shouts of my name permeating the air rang like the sweetest music to my ears. I wore a very satisfied grin.

Freeze frame.

How did I get here? One minute I’m Princess of Equestria, a short time later, I’m a top contender for the Queen of Online Booty?

Let’s just say there’s a story to it, one filled with sex, embarrassment, and lewd poses! I didn’t start off so snaphappy, you see, and I might even be willing to admit, I get a little carried away down the line.

I don’t mean here, either. I got a lot worse.

Anyways, it’s a fun story to tell, even more enjoyable to listen to, and if you’re interested, I’d be happy to share the dirty details with each and every one of you...

And guess what, stud? You don’t even have to purchase my premium to read it.